Article information- Author, Fernanda Paúl
- Role, BBC World Service
12 February 2024
E bin start afta di Covid-19 pandemic.
Di snoring become unbearable and Cecilia* no fit fall asleep.
She dey push her partner, while trying to make am to turn ova so e go fit stop snoring.
But e dey useless.
Di 35-year-old woman no fit stand am anymore. And na so dem decide: dem no go fit sleep togeda, in di same room.
“I no fit focus on my work; I dey tired all day. You go fit endure am for a couple of nights but in di long run, you no fit survive," Cecilia tell BBC from her house for London, wia she dey live for some years.
"No be easy option. E dey break our hearts small. But wen we realise say we fit sleep, I dey happy,” she tok.
Cecilia and her partner, 43, don adopt di practice wey dem dey call “sleep divorce”.
“Sleep divorce na usually sometin wey dem bin dey do temporarily. But den couples realise say dem fit sleep beta wen dem dey alone,” Stephanie Collier, psychiatrist for McLean Hospital, for United States tok.
“Normally, di reason na becos of health... e dey happun becos pesin wey dey snore, get restless legs, dey sleep dey waka or go use bathroom many times for medical reasons. So dem dey move, dem dey roll ova and e dey bother dia partner,” she tell BBC.
"Na trend wey don dey become more popular," she tok.
Na growing practice among millennials
At di end of last year, popular American actress Cameron Díaz, tell di Lipstick on di Rim podcast say, she and her husband no dey sleep for di same room.
“And I tink we need to normalise separate bedrooms,” she tok.
Although di revelation spark thousands of reactions ontop social media - and lead to various articles for di media - di Hollywood star case no be di first.
According to one 2023 study by di American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), more dan a third of respondents for di United States report say sleeping occasionally or regularly for separate rooms wit dia partners dey improve sleep quality.
Di research show say di trend dey more among “millennials” (di generation wey currently dey between 28 and 42 years old, approximately), wia like half (43%) respond say dem dey sleep separately from dia partner.
For oda age groups, Generation X (born between 1965 and 1980), wit 33%; den Generation Z (born between 1997 and 2012), wit 28%; and finally di baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964), wit 22%.
“Although we neva sabi why younger generations dey more likely to do so, but some hypotheses dey. One be say lesser stigma dey around di idea of sleeping separately. Na cultural change. dem tink: 'If I sleep better, I feel better. So why not?’” Dr Collier tok.
Throughout history, di idea don change.
Some historians suggest say di “matrimonial bed” (or double bed) na modern concept and di use increase wit di industrial revolution, wen pipo dey live for more populated areas.
But before di 19th Century, E dey common for married couples to dey sleep separately.
“And di higher di socioeconomic level, di more common e dey. You dey see how members of royalty bin dey sleep” Pablo Brockmann, somnologist for di medical school of di Catholic University of Chile tok.
Wetin be di advantages?
Experts agree say e get several advantages for couples wey decide to sleep for separate rooms.
“Di main advantage be say dem fit develop regular and deep sleep. And getting good sleep dey essential for overall well-being,” Dr Collier tok.
“If pesin no fit sleep, e dey affect everitin from dia immunity to dia bodily function. Plus, you go dey vex faster and dem no dey get patience. You fit even develop depression,” she tok.
Di psychiatrist believe say “sleep divorce” fit also help maintain "healthier" relationship.
“We know say couples, wen dem no rest well, dem fit argue more, dey quick vex and dey lose feelings,” she tok.
Seema Khosla, pulmonologist and tok-tok pesin for di AASM, agree wit dis point.
"We say poor sleep fit worsen your mood, and pipo wey dey sleep deprived dey more likely to argue with dia partners. Dem fit dey feel anger towards di pesin wey dey disturb dia sleep wey fit negatively affect relationships," im tok dis one wen di AASM launch dia investigation into "sleep divorce".
“Getting a good night sleep dey important for both health and happiness, so e no dey surprising say some couples choose to sleep apart for dia overall well-being," she tok.
For Cecilia, sleeping inside different room from her current partner “change her life”.
“E dey much more comfortable. Di fact say I dey sleep beta, or I get more space for bed, I fit sleep without disturbing odas…” she tok.
“Also, you no need to wake up di same time as your partner. You really wake up wen you want or need to.”
And di disadvantages?
Well, di most obvious disadvantage be say si practice dey require extra bed and most probably extra room, so for many couples no be even option.
But even if na possibility, dis decision fit get some negative effects. For many couples, experts tok say, dem dey worry about losing intimacy.
“I tink say at di level of connection wit my partner, sometin change,” Cecilia tok.
“Di relationship, di intimacy, don suffer. But e no dey serious. I tink di advantages dey greater,” she tok.
Dr Collier explain say for many pipo wey dey work full-time, di moment dem connect wit dia partner na wen dem dey ready to go sleep.
“Therefore, one of di solution na to optimise di time dem dey spend togeda,” she tok.
Dr Brockmann, meanwhile, say dis “sleep divorce” no be sometin wey dey work for all couples.
“Certain biological benefits of sleeping as a couple dey. For many, dem dey generate connection for dream. E dey primitive with di human species. Mother and her pikin, for example, usually generate dis bond during breastfeeding and dem get similar sleep cycles so dem go fit both rest.”
“Some studies show say some couples wey don dey sleep togeda for years don manage to deepen di stages of sleep since dem dey linked. Wit dis, you improve your quality of sleep,” di somnologist tok.
However, if couple decide to try “sleep divorce”, e get some recommendations wey dem go need to follow, specialists tok.
“Dis no dey work wen one pesin want am and di oda no want am, becos say e fit lead to vex,” Dr Collier tok.
“Some pipo no want to sleep alone and dis dey make dem feel bad. den dem dey tink about equal agreement, decision wey both of dem share.”
Dr Brockmann agree.
“For di pesin wey get di problem, weda na snoring, sleepwalking or restless legs, e fit dey difficult. Becos pipo dey wey no dey like [to sleep for separate beds]... in general, men dey more reluctant to do am,” im tok.
Why studies dey indicate say di trend dey grow, at least for some kontris.
For UK, di National Bed Federation find say for 2020 nearly one in six (15%) British couples wey dey live togeda dey sleep apart – wit almost nine out of 10 (89%) of dem dey sleep for separate rooms.
One survey by Di Sleep Council in 2009 show say less dan one couple in 10 (7%) get separate beds. “Dis suggest say di rate of separate sleeping don roughly double in di past decade,” di National Bed Federation find.
So wen na about who dey sleep wia, e be like say more and more pipo in relationships dey prioritise getting good night sleep.
*Cecilia no be her real name becos di interviewee no wan disclose her identity.
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